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7 Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner

Posted on: May 20, 2022

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

Whether you’ve been in a relationship for a short time or years, you’ve probably learned which compliments your partner responds well to. “Wow, you look great in that dress!” “I love when you give me a hug for no reason.”

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

The Root Cause Of A Couple’s Conflict

Posted on: April 30, 2022

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling, Videos

How To Avoid Dating A Narcissist

Posted on: April 29, 2022

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

There aren’t many upsides to having dated a narcissist, but here’s one you might not have thought of: at least now you know how to spot one. In reality, there are many red flags to watch out for. For example, as we pointed out in a previous blog article, narcissists probably do not use a lot of “I” language, as common sense might suggest. Instead, they make authoritative statements about the way things are.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Soulmates… and Other Myths

Posted on: April 20, 2022

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

You’ve more than likely heard the term “soulmate.” You may even firmly believe that there is an “other” out there who is your soulmate. But do you know how long the term, and the concept, have been around? One of the first instances of its use is in a letter from the 1820s by the English poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge: “To be happy in Married Life… you must have a Soul-mate.”

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Is Your Relationship Destined To Succeed?

Posted on: April 2, 2022

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

Have you ever tried to describe a couple of your friends as they begin to form a romantic relationship? Odds are, the words “rational” and “reasonable” were not part of your description. Nope, oxytocin — the love hormone — is flowing along with other happy hormones like dopamine and serotonin.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Tapping Into The Potential Of True Conversation

Posted on: March 28, 2022

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling, Videos

How Mindfulness Can Deepen Your Romantic Relationship

Posted on: March 25, 2022

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

Looking for the key to happiness? One practice that helps is living in a state of mindfulness. A growing body of research points to how intentionally living in the moment heightens your awareness, improves your mental health and promotes personal happiness. That’s why mindfulness techniques, including meditation and yoga, are getting more and more attention among the general public.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Dancing Between The Raindrops

Posted on: March 23, 2022

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

There’s an old saying about people who seem to live a charmed life: “they dance between the raindrops.” The image of someone so lucky that even rain doesn’t touch them is a fanciful one. Virtually everyone experiences hardships of all kinds — loss of a job, death of a loved one, a serious health problem.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

How Does Your Narcissistic Partner See You?

Posted on: March 16, 2022

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

Do you suspect that someone you’re dating or, worse yet, your long-term partner has narcissistic tendencies? Understanding how a narcissist behaves is the first step toward confirming (or, hopefully, ruling out) that your partner is a narcissist. There are signs to look for. As we’ve said in another blog post (“How To Spot A Narcissist”), “Research has revealed there is virtually no connection between I-talk and sub-clinical narcissism. So, if narcissists aren’t rambling on about themselves, what do they talk about? Narcissists may actually talk about themselves less, preferring to make authoritative statements about the way things are rather than how they feel… If you want to spot a narcissist… look for someone who has absolute clarity about a situation, and an undying commitment to his or her opinion.”

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

What’s Really Happening When Your Partner Criticizes You?

Posted on: February 15, 2022

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Nine Keys To A Successful Relationship

Posted on: February 8, 2022

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

A lot of good things happen during the infatuation stage of a relationship. When you spend time with someone you’ve fallen in love with, your brain rewards you by releasing high levels of dopamine and a related hormone, norepinephrine. They give you a sense of euphoria, and you may notice yourself feeling a bit giddy and full of energy. You might even be so infatuated you can hardly eat or sleep.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Is It Possible To Find The Perfect Relationship?

Posted on: January 11, 2022

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

The Number One Predictor Of Divorce

Posted on: January 6, 2022

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

It’s fair to say that very few people plan to get divorced as they’re getting married. Wouldn’t it be nice, then, if there were some way to predict who might be likely to get divorced, and why?

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Resolve — To Be A Better Partner

Posted on: December 14, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

Can you believe it – barely over two weeks to the New Year. If you’re tired of making a New Year’s resolution to lose weight or get to the gym more, how about this one: resolve to be a better partner. One surprisingly easy and effective way to do that is through verbal affirmations and simple open communication. Of course, if your affirmation involves more than a compliment, you have to really mean it. Which is why I’m here for you carries more impact than You look great tonight — the former involves an implicit offer to act.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

How The Holidays Stress Relationships — And What To Do About It

Posted on: December 7, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

You’re only half-way through your holiday gift list, your office party is this evening (in person, no less!) and your babysitter just cancelled and you feel a bit of a cold coming on. What holiday stress?! Well, at least your partner will listen to your woes and offer encouraging words, right? Well, maybe. All too often couples direct their holiday stress at their partner. OK – slow down, take a deep breath and make a commitment to handle any conflicts with your partner around the holidays in a healthy fashion.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

How Couples Can Use A Fight To Grow Their Relationship

Posted on: November 16, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

What Is Your Attachment Style?

Posted on: November 5, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

Psychologists have long known how important the first year of life is in a person’s emotional development. But did you know that the relationship you had with your earliest primary caregivers influenced the “attachment style” you in turn developed in early childhood? That style is something you probably carried into adulthood especially in regard to your romantic relationships.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Have You Heard Of Trauma Bonding?

Posted on: November 2, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

Romantic relationships are like the human body: when everything is working well, you hardly give it a second thought. But oh my, there are so many ways everything can go wrong. One particularly insidious problem in romantic relationships may manifest itself in a cycle of abusive behavior followed by brief moments of positive reinforcement — behavior that could be a symptom of “trauma bonding.”

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Looking For The Good… And Finding Happiness

Posted on: October 29, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

As many people in a long-term relationship can attest, it’s more difficult to be happy individually if you and your partner are at odds with each other. A logical question, then, follows: Is there a way to build a solid foundation in a relationship and then strengthen it with every passing year, giving you a better chance of being happy overall?

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Can There Be ‘The One?’

Posted on: October 26, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Is That Flag Trying To Tell You Something?

Posted on: October 19, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

Whether you’re in an established relationship or just developing a romance with someone, it’s a valuable exercise to take a step back and look at things objectively. Are there red flags in your relationship? If so, they are truly worth paying attention to and understanding. After all, literal red flags are used to indicate trouble coming, and metaphorical red flags in a relationship indicate the same thing. Spotting trouble ahead of time gives you the chance to avoid it.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Eight Essential Conversations

Posted on: October 12, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Is There A Key To Truly Loving Another?

Posted on: September 23, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

The Truth About Bickering

Posted on: September 16, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling, Videos

Sometimes You Just Have To Argue With A Narcissist

Posted on: September 9, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

We all have to deal with some very annoying people. But people with narcissistic tendencies can be especially annoying. First off, it’s good to have an idea about narcissistic traits. In a previous blog, How To Spot A Narcissist, I pointed out that narcissists typically have absolute clarity about a situation, and an undying commitment to his or her opinion. Writing for Vice.com, Ramani Durvasula, PhD, adds to the description of a narcissist by saying, “it’s a pattern characterized by entitlement, arrogance, lack of empathy, validation and admiration seeking, sensitivity to criticism, grandiosity, poor insight, and difficulty controlling emotions, especially when frustrated or disappointed.”

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Marriage — ‘Masters’ vs. ‘Disasters’

Posted on: September 7, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling, Videos

The Beauty Of A Long-Term Relationship

Posted on: August 27, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

Ah, people harbor a lot of romantic notions about long-term relationships. Young people especially are prone to romanticizing a lifetime commitment, with ideas about soulmates and happily ever after dancing in their minds. Beyond romanticized ideas about permanent commitments, though, they actually involve far deeper issues. Writing for Working Resources, psychologist and executive coach Dr. Maynard Brusman says, “People in lasting relationships tend to live longer and stay healthier, and they report that they experience more happiness in life. Statistics indicate that people in long-term partnerships report more rewarding social interactions and lower instances of alcohol and substance abuse. Maybe the most important aspect of living within a successful permanent relationship is that a person not only feels loved, but is also able to share love with somebody else.”

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

The Insidious Problem Of Verbal Abuse

Posted on: August 24, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

As Tolstoy’s opening lines to Anna Karenina attest, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Couples probably instinctively know this bit of wisdom more intimately than most. Happiness depends on a variety of factors — satisfy each one and happiness follows. When there’s an issue with any one factor, though, there’s trouble ahead.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Four Tips To Improve Your Romantic Relationship

Posted on: July 23, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

It’s the rare couple who says, nope, our relationship is perfect — nothing to improve here. Add in the stress of forced changes in lifestyle over the last 18 months — from a hiatus in dining out to postponed vacations — and this just might be the ideal time to make a commitment to improve your romantic relationship. With that in mind, here are four tips t reignite the spark.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Is Your Partner Sabotaging Your Relationship? Are You?

Posted on: June 22, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

The joy of a romantic relationship can be almost boundless. Why then, is that potential for joy so often checked — sabotaged, perhaps, by our own behavior? One answer lies in the fact that we are not blank slates. We all have a past that affects our current feelings and actions. More distressingly, it may be a past that we can’t remember.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

How To Spot A Narcissist

Posted on: June 8, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

We all bring a lot of common sense to our relationships. If you’re pretty well grounded, you can probably spot someone who is, shall we say, “self oriented.” In everyday language you might hear someone at a party say, “Wow, that guy is so full of himself!”

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

The Mystery Of Stockholm Syndrome

Posted on: June 7, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

In a recent blog post, we wrote about a particular problem that couples may face to varying degrees. It’s a pattern of behavior known as a “trauma bond.” In this kind of a relationship, a bond develops out of a repeated cycle of abuse, devaluation, and positive reinforcement. This cycle can be especially insidious because a person often wants to make excuses for their partner or immediately forgive the abuse, especially if they apologize or alternate the abuse with kindness.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Have You Heard Of A Trauma Bond?

Posted on: June 3, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

Here’s a statement that should make most couples smile (if not laugh out loud): relationships are hard! Yes, even good relationships require work. Beyond normal relationships, though, there are a variety of problematic relationships that can be toxic. One in particular is known as a “trauma bond.”

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Can PTSD Lead To Love Avoidance?

Posted on: May 21, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

The short answer is, absolutely yes. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) has a variety of features, including a tendency to pull away from certain situations or relationships. This behavior is actually quite rational. PTSD can cause a person to feel emotionally numb and involve feelings of rejection or abandonment.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Love Addicts and Avoidants

Posted on: May 18, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

Couples who experience less-than-acceptable intimacy in their relationship are hardly alone. Sometimes, one partner may lean toward being a “love addict” while the other is a “love avoidant.” Being one or the other is a problem. When Addict lives with Avoidant the stage is set for real trouble.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

The Secret To Great Sex

Posted on: March 23, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

As many a couple can attest, sexual relations can be surprisingly and at times infuriatingly complicated. One complicating factor is how important intimacy is to sexual relations.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

A Little Secret To A Happier Relationship

Posted on: March 19, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

Years ago a phrase came into popular use: Men Are From Mars And Women Are From Venus. It actually came from a book by the same name, and it taps into a common sense observation that men and women often think differently about some things.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

How To Improve Your Long-Distance Relationship

Posted on: March 2, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

Long-distance relationships are more common than they once were. Young couples, especially, can find them themselves in a long-distance relationship when one partner heads off to grad school, or — just starting out in a career — accepts a job half-way across the country. Throw in the added possibility that the pandemic has steered some people toward a long-distance relationship, and you have the prospect of a lot of people heading into uncharted territory.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

How To Get Out Of A Relationship Rut

Posted on: February 2, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

If you have an especially close friend, you may have revealed a little secret to one another: your relationship with your partner is in a rut. If so, take heart — you’re not alone. Relationships between partners have taken a hit during the pandemic, with predictable results.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Dating At A Distance — Tips To Make It Succeed

Posted on: January 29, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

There have been many casualties of the pandemic, of varying degrees. One little-noted consequence is its effect on dating. Social distancing, wearing masks and losing access to normal social gathering spots — from happy hours at bars to indoor dining at restaurants — has made normal dating seem like a relic of the past. 

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Fighting With Your Spouse? You’re Not Alone.

Posted on: January 12, 2021

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

The old joke about spouses entering retirement is that they signed up for life, but not for lunch. It’s a bit of humor that draws on the insight that spending too much time with anyone — even somebody you love dearly — can create a tension all its own.

Enter the pandemic. Now we work from home, manage our kids’ online learning, turn to Zoom happy hours — all in close contact sometimes 24/7 with your spouse. What could go wrong? As we’re finding out — plenty.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Relationship Conflicts – Where Did the Love Go?

Posted on: November 10, 2020

Marriage counseling insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

Relationships are seldom as simple as we would like. They bring out our needs, anxieties, and conflicts with people from our past – parents, friends, and former partners.

When we enter into a relationship we expect to be loved just for being who we are. A relationship should provide a safe zone where our partner values us for expressing our own uniqueness. This is a simple expectation. Indeed, this is the way most relationships start out. Why, then, does it seem so hard to maintain this ideal, blissful state of unconditional love over time?

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Posted in: Family Counseling, Marriage Counseling

Freedom From Verbal Abuse

Posted on: September 23, 2020

A home should be a happy place, or at least a safe place. Dealing daily with the outside world, with its tensions, pressures, and surprises, can be difficult. The home is a place to come back to, a place to feel free, relaxed, and comfortable. The home should be the place where we feel loved and accepted just for being ourselves. This is, of course, an ideal description of what a home can be.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Looking For Love In All The Right Places

Posted on: January 17, 2020

“This above all – to thine own self be true.” – Polonius in Hamlet (William Shakespeare)

Although some people prefer to remain single throughout their lives, most people strive to connect with and live in partnership with one special person. There are many obvious advantages to finding a relationship partner – physical, economic, social – but there is another significant advantage in that working through the ups and downs of a relationship allows us to come to terms with many of our own personal issues. In fact, these personal issues may make or break a relationship, depending on whether we choose to work on them. If you are single now, you can use this time to learn more about yourself and what makes relationships work.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Working On Your Relationship – By Yourself

Posted on: December 13, 2019

Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

You Can Create a Successful Relationship – Even If You Must Do It Alone

Conflicts can be expected to arise in even the strongest of relationships. Two people who attempt to create a relationship always bring their own issues, backgrounds, expectations, personalities, and inner difficulties into the interplay that occurs between them. It is not at all unusual that the two people might find themselves, at times, in a deadlock. They see no way to break the impasse and to recapture the spirit of good will that they once had and would like to have again. Each party’s personal conflicts come into play and stifle the communication, sharing and love that seem necessary for harmonious interaction. Rather than confronting our own part in the problem, we may resort to blaming our partner – “If only she (or he) would change, then we could be happy.”

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Communicating When You Have Conflict

Posted on: November 27, 2019

Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

Conflict between people is a fact of life – and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, a relationship with frequent conflict may be healthier than one with no observable conflict. Conflicts occur at all levels of interaction – at work, among friends, within families, and between relationship partners. When conflict occurs, the relationship may be weakened or strengthened. Conflict is a critical event in the course of a relationship. Conflict can cause resentment, hostility and perhaps the ending of the relationship. If it is handled well, however, conflict can be productive – leading to deeper understanding, mutual respect and closeness. Whether a relationship is healthy or unhealthy depends not so much on the number of conflicts between participants, but on how the conflicts are resolved.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

The Crisis of Infidelity

Posted on: July 26, 2019

Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

“There is a crack in everything; that’s how the light gets in.” – Leonard Cohen

The single most destructive threat to a committed relationship is when one of the partners engages in a sexual relationship with another person. This is not an uncommon event. Conservative estimates suggest that about a quarter of women, and a third of men, have violated their marital commitment to their partners. About 65 percent of marriages struck by infidelity end in divorce.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Maintaining Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Posted on: May 14, 2019

Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

A successful relationship is composed of two individuals – each with a clearly defined sense of her or his own identity. Without our own understanding of self, of who we are, and what makes us unique, it is difficult to engage in the process of an ongoing relationship in a way that functions smoothly and enhances each of the partners. We need a sense of self in order to clearly communicate our needs and desires to our partner. When we have a strong conception of our own identity, we can appreciate and love those qualities in our partner that make him or her a unique person. When two people come together, each with a clear definition of her or his own individuality, the potential for intimacy and commitment can be astounding. The similarities between two people may bring them together, but their differences contribute to the growth, excitement, and mystery of their relationship.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

The Committed Relationship

Posted on: April 29, 2019

Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

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Emotionally committed relationships bring excitement and passion into our lives, especially when they are new.  Over time, however, we come across roadblocks, for example, our personal issues or family experiences, that can distance us from our partners.  When we first enter into a committed relationship, we may think that we have found the answer to life’s problems, that we have a partner to share in the turmoil of daily life, that we will never be alone again, that it will be smooth sailing from here on out. If we base relationships on these assumptions, however, we may be sorely disappointed when our partner fails to live up to these expectations. There is a strong probability that if we look to another person to provide fulfillment, we will begin to focus on the failings of that person as the cause of our own disappointments in life. This pattern is the reason for a great deal of discord in committed relationships. Many people who come in for relationship therapy actually hope that the therapy will change their partner because they are convinced that the partner is the source of the problem.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Relationships and Manipulation

Posted on: April 9, 2019

Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

We are all vulnerable to being manipulated in relationships, whether between romantic partners, friends, parents, children, employers, coworkers, or neighbors. When we allow another person to manipulate us, we are colluding with their desire to control our feelings, motives, and even our thoughts through deceptive, exploitative, and unfair means. A manipulative relationship is one-sided and unbalanced, advancing the goals of the manipulator at the expense of the person being manipulated. These relationships become troubled over time. If you want to change this kind of relationship, you must first recognize the features of manipulation and then look within to understand your contribution to the manipulation. There are effective ways to stand up to manipulation and bring balance back into the relationship.

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Posted in: Marriage Counseling

When Your Partner’s Feelings Don’t Show

Posted on: March 21, 2019

Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

“Fasten your seatbelt. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.”

– Bette Davis

When we commit to a relationship, we usually expect that our partner will reciprocate with roughly the same level of emotional involvement that we put into it. Many of us hope to find a soulmate, a partner who can share and understand our feelings and ways of thinking on an intensely personal level. Others don’t expect such an intense level of involvement and feel more comfortable maintaining personal privacy within a more boundaried relationship. Conflicts may arise when the two partners differ in their expectations of how close they should become. One partner may feel emotionally stranded, feeling abandoned and craving more closeness, while the other partner may feel smothered or pressured into providing more of his or her emotional self than can possibly be given. (more…)

Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Finding Intimacy

Posted on: March 7, 2019

Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

Many people search for that special intimacy in their relationship

Some of us search our entire lives for a feeling of oneness with another person. It’s hard to describe, really, what we search for, but we know it when we finally achieve it. Maybe we tire of that dark feeling of being ultimately alone as we struggle through life. If only there were someone else here, we say to ourselves, who could understand and share these burdens. Then it wouldn’t be so lonely. It wouldn’t be so hard. Or perhaps, in our more positive moments, we want to share not just the burdens but our pleasures too, our strength and beauty. We want the powerful impact of our internal experience to have an impression on someone else, as if to say that we count, we are whole, and we want to impart this feeling to another person. (more…)

Posted in: Marriage Counseling

The Lasting Relationship

Posted on: January 29, 2019

Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

A Successful Relationship Takes Work, Insight, and Commitment – and the Rewards Can Be Priceless

One hallmark of success in life may be the ability to sustain a long-term relationship. People in lasting relationships tend to live longer and stay healthier. Research shows that they report more happiness in life, more rewarding social interactions, and lower instances of substance abuse. Maybe the most important aspect of living within a successful permanent relationship is that a person not only feels loved, but also is able to share love with somebody else. Sharing love with a partner allows us to experience trust, nurturance, and a feeling of belonging. When we spend our years with another person we have a feeling of continuity in our lives which may otherwise be difficult to attain. (more…)

Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Sometimes It Takes More Than Love

Posted on: July 25, 2018

Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

When we make a commitment to our partner, our usual expectation is that our relationship will last for life and that our love will see us through the inevitable hard times. Yet, when reality sinks in, we have to acknowledge that while love is one of the components of a relationship’s longevity, it really takes more to make it through the long haul. It takes community and family support (which isn’t as available as it once was in our society) – and it takes skill. Many of us have failed to learn how to negotiate our way through relationship difficulties to build a lasting connection. (more…)

Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Relationships and Manipulation

Posted on: April 3, 2018

Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

We are all vulnerable to being manipulated in relationships, whether between romantic partners, friends, parents, children, employers, coworkers, or neighbors. When we allow another person to manipulate us, we are colluding with their desire to control our feelings, motives, and even our thoughts through deceptive, exploitative, and unfair means. A manipulative relationship is one-sided and unbalanced, advancing the goals of the manipulator at the expense of the person being manipulated. These relationships become troubled over time. If you want to change this kind of relationship, you must first recognize the features of manipulation and then look within to understand your contribution to the manipulation. There are effective ways to stand up to manipulation and bring balance back into the relationship. (more…)

Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Arising From Codependence

Posted on: March 13, 2018

Emerging From Dysfunctional Childhood Experiences Can Lead to a Journey of Self-Discovery and Independence

Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

The households we grew up in can have a powerful influence on the way we deal with life as an adult – often in ways that we never stop to think about. We simply keep on living, repeating the same mistakes and enduring the same conflicts over and over again. We may wonder why the same old patterns keep repeating themselves even when we change friendships, jobs and relationships. The answer may lie in a less-than-nurturing childhood characterized by neglect and other forms of abuse. (more…)

Posted in: Marriage Counseling

The Passive-Aggressive Partner

Posted on: January 24, 2018

Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

Anger Expressed Covertly Is Both Infuriating and Destructive to a Relationship

Some people just can’t admit that they’re angry. Anger is one of the basic emotions which touches all of our lives to one degree or another. Indeed, a person who is incapable of experiencing anger would certainly be at a disadvantage in trying to survive. Used constructively, anger helps us to protect ourselves. It motivates us to solve problems and to resolve conflicts with other people. (more…)

Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Losing Your Relationship

Posted on: December 31, 2017

Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

Most divorcing people are forced to come to terms with a number of fears. What will people say?

Who can I trust to talk to? How can I handle my partner’s anger toward me? How do I deal with my own anger? Am I a complete failure? How can I be a single parent? Will I be able to keep my children? What about money? Can I do the banking and buy groceries and pay bills and fix the car? Can I handle my loneliness? Am I completely unlovable? Will I ever love anyone else again? Do I have the energy for this much change? When we hold on to our fears and refuse to do anything about them, we increase the likelihood that these will be the very areas where we experience trouble. (more…)

Posted in: Marriage Counseling

Disclaimer: The screening tests and videos that are linked on this web site are not designed to provide diagnoses for the various clinical issues. They are intended solely for the purpose of identifying the symptoms of the issues and to help you make a more informed decision about seeking help. An accurate diagnosis for these clinical issues and other psychiatric disorders can only be made by a physician or qualified mental health professional after a complete evaluation. If you have scores that indicate that you meet criteria for these issues or think that you may be at risk, please contact a mental health professional or your physician.