CALIFORNIA PSYCHOTHERAPEUTIC RESOURCES, INC.
PATRICIA MCTAGUE-LOFT, MS, LMFT, FAPA, SAP
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Posted on: January 21, 2021
Individual Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
The latest data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are truly heartbreaking. The number of annual suicides in America totaled 48,344, which placed it as the 10th leading cause of death.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: January 19, 2021
Individual Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
From the death of George Floyd in May of last year to the Capitol riots of January 6th, there has been an onslaught of racially charged events that we all have to deal with. In fact, dealing with racism can involve trauma that needs to be addressed in order to heal.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: January 15, 2021
Individual Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
As if dealing with the coronavirus itself isn’t hard enough, a staggering number of people are also dealing with a side effect of the pandemic: job loss. What’s more, the stress of looking for work increases the longer a search goes on.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: January 12, 2021
Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
The old joke about spouses entering retirement is that they signed up for life, but not for lunch. It’s a bit of humor that draws on the insight that spending too much time with anyone — even somebody you love dearly — can create a tension all its own.
Enter the pandemic. Now we work from home, manage our kids’ online learning, turn to Zoom happy hours — all in close contact sometimes 24/7 with your spouse. What could go wrong? As we’re finding out — plenty.
(more…)Posted in: Marriage Counseling
Posted on: January 8, 2021
Family Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
It’s a fair guess that back in March of last year not many people would have predicted we’d enter 2021 struggling with another surge in the pandemic and further shelter-in-place orders. Maybe that’s a bit of a blessing. How many people would have said, “That’s fine, I can ‘socially distance’ for a year or so no problem.”
(more…)Posted in: Family Counseling
Posted on: January 5, 2021
Family Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Now that 2021 is here, many people might have expected the stress they felt in 2020 to simply fade away. As we’re quickly discovering, that’s not happening. As a surge in cases of Covid-19 follows the holidays, and as people anxiously await the rollout of the various vaccines, almost everyone realizes we’re still living with daily anxiety.
(more…)Posted in: Family Counseling
Posted on: December 30, 2020
Individual Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Do you know what one of the most common reactions was to the initial outbreak of the coronavirus? It was to research the concept of prayer. Some evidence to support this statement comes from a look at the volume of search on Google for the term “prayer.” From February to March of 2020 search volume surged dramatically, increasing 50% in 95 countries.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: December 23, 2020
Individual and Family Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Just to cap off 2020 —probably the strangest year of most of our lives — most of us are celebrating the holidays with far fewer members of our extended families. This is having some predictable results. “A global pandemic with no end in sight means the impact of social isolation will be more palpable than usual, making more people susceptible to loneliness,” says Kenya Foy writing on HuffPost.com.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: December 21, 2020
Family Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
It’s no secret that schoolchildren across the country are experiencing varying levels of success with online learning. One key to successful learning is teacher involvement and expertise — no surprise there. “Now more than ever, teachers are an important part of facilitating student learning, well-being, and growth,” according to an article on the website of the American Psychological Association (APA).
(more…)Posted in: Family Counseling
Posted on: December 18, 2020
How would it feel to be the most searched-for person in the world on Google? More amazingly, how would it feel if you were only 17 years old at the time? You might ask Justin Bieber to answer those questions. According to Microsoft’s search engine Bing, more people searched for Bieber in 2011 — when he was 17 — than any other person in the world. His manager, Scooter Braun, in barely an overstatement, says “No one has ever grown up in the history of humanity like Justin Bieber.”
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: December 15, 2020
It may be hard to believe but here’s one more issue creating divisiveness among families: Covid safety precautions. It might be extended family members gathering for a Sunday dinner shoulder to shoulder. Or a college kid out partying while still intending to come home for the holidays. Or an otherwise level-headed relative who simply has a terrible case of quarantine fatigue.
(more…)Posted in: Family Counseling
Posted on: December 11, 2020
In the aftermath of the election, there is one thing we can all agree on — it has been a long, hard-fought path to the White House. It’s time for a time-out, and some self-care for ourselves and our communities.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: December 8, 2020
Individual Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Does it seem like the presidential election was ages ago? It just might, especially as new state-mandated restrictions are in place in response to an increase in Covid-19-related hospitalizations. But political tensions remain, and are likely to take center stage again.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: December 1, 2020
Individual Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Have you heard of agoraphobia? It’s a type of anxiety disorder that leads you to fear and avoid places or situations that might cause you to have a negative reaction — a bit of panic or a general feeling that you’re trapped, helpless or embarrassed.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: November 24, 2020
So, now that the election is over, are you feeling better? If not, rest assured you’re not alone. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), the vast majority of Americans did anything but breathe a big sigh of relief.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: November 19, 2020
Family Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Are some members of your family on one side of the political spectrum, while others are on the opposite side? Welcome to family life in America, 2020. Brittany Wong, writing on HuffPost.com, has an insightful article on this exact subject.
(more…)Posted in: Family Counseling
Posted on: November 10, 2020
Marriage counseling insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Relationships are seldom as simple as we would like. They bring out our needs, anxieties, and conflicts with people from our past – parents, friends, and former partners.
When we enter into a relationship we expect to be loved just for being who we are. A relationship should provide a safe zone where our partner values us for expressing our own uniqueness. This is a simple expectation. Indeed, this is the way most relationships start out. Why, then, does it seem so hard to maintain this ideal, blissful state of unconditional love over time?
(more…)Posted in: Family Counseling, Marriage Counseling
Posted on: October 12, 2020
Individual counseling insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
We all have our own unique ways of feeling and thinking and expressing ourselves. Most of the time, our uniqueness is seen simply as an individual difference – or something special about each of us. In fact, this is what brings interest and variety to the people in our lives. This is a positive thing. One of the healthiest things we can do is to achieve a fairly objective understanding of just how we are unique or different from other people. Then we can understand how our behavior impacts other people and adjust the way we act accordingly. That is, we can problem-solve our way through situations when we have a good understanding of our unique personality characteristics. We are talking here about personality style – and all of us have our own styles.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: September 23, 2020
A home should be a happy place, or at least a safe place. Dealing daily with the outside world, with its tensions, pressures, and surprises, can be difficult. The home is a place to come back to, a place to feel free, relaxed, and comfortable. The home should be the place where we feel loved and accepted just for being ourselves. This is, of course, an ideal description of what a home can be.
(more…)Posted in: Marriage Counseling
Posted on: September 21, 2020
Quick question: When was the last time you hugged an old friend you happened to bump into at the grocery store? More than likely, you answered – “Well, certainly before last March.”
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: September 17, 2020
There have been obvious ramifications of the pandemic we’ve all been enduring since March of this year. Job losses. Cancelled vacations. New exercise routines. The list goes on.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: August 12, 2020
Pain can be seen as the Body’s Messenger Telling Us That Things Are Not Right – And Let’s See How to Make Them Better
Estimates based on research indicate that from ten to thirty percent of the American population suffers from chronic or recurrent physical pain. Pain sufferers often feel that their doctors are not able to give them the treatment they need to alleviate their pain. They may have been told that it is all in their head, and they feel very alone when nobody can seem to give them support for being in pain. They feel helpless, anxiety-ridden, depressed, angry, frustrated, and out of control. They often turn to prescription pain medication, drugs or alcohol for relief – only to find that these quick fixes can cause more complications and devastation in their lives than the original pain.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: July 6, 2020
Individual counseling insights brought to you California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Loss Can Be Painful – But It Can Open the Door to New, and Even Better, Life Experiences
Loss is embedded in the process of living. It happens to everyone and it is inevitable. There is no such thing as constant gain in our lives. Despite our wish to live in the security of abundance and perfect health, we necessarily must lose something, over and over again throughout our lives. Time itself eventually creates loss. We come into this world with everything to gain and leave it with everything to lose. And in between we go through a series of gains and losses, ups and downs. Learning to accept both is a sign of wellness, maturity – and even wisdom.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: June 19, 2020
Individual counseling insights brought to you California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
“Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again.”
– Joseph Campbell
We live in a world of extroverts. Our social norms are geared to people who are “out there” – those who achieve, compete, socialize easily, and are energized by the external world. Society encourages us to describe ourselves in terms of what we see externally (like TV ads) and we try to match the models provided for us. Our idea of success is to achieve a life that’s prescribed for us by the social sphere. The extrovert’s idea of happiness is to have lots of friends and to enjoy talking, even when they don’t put much thought into what they say. They like activity and being around excitement. When so much of our attention is directed outwardly, however, we can lose track of our own authentic needs.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: May 15, 2020
Individual counseling insights brought to you California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Most of us build our lives around the belief that we will be relatively safe. Granted, normal daily life involves many stressors, especially in these hectic times, but we expect these pressures to happen and we become accustomed to handling them. The more flexible we are and the more we know ourselves and are in touch with our abilities, the easier it is to deal with normal everyday stress.
Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: April 8, 2020
Individual counseling insights brought to you California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Timely information about mental health during the pandemic.
Everyone feels sad from time to time. It’s only natural. Most people go through blue days or just periods of feeling down, especially after they experience a loss. But what experts call clinical depression is different from just being “down in the dumps.” The main difference is that the sad or empty mood does not go away after a couple of weeks – and everyday activities like eating, sleeping, socializing, or working can be affected.
Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: March 4, 2020
Family counseling insights brought to you California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Countless millions of adults in this country had a parent with a drinking or drug problem. A brief look at some of the history of the 1900’s can clarify this phenomenon. Prohibition was repealed in 1933, and this tended to validate, or at least give some justification for, the consumption of alcohol by the World War II generation. Alcohol was associated with good times and the good life for what is sometimes called the “drinking generation” who lived through WWII, the survivors of whom are most gone now or at the very last stages of the life span. Their children, the Baby Boomers, who are now in middle age and entering older age, tended to use not only alcohol but drugs as well. And again, they often associated the use of these substances with good times. This substance-abusing legacy was often passed to their own children, who are now in the their thirties and forties. Unfortunately, and estimates of the numbers involved are vague, a certain proportion of those who use alcohol or drugs become addicted to these substances.
(more…)Posted in: Family Counseling
Posted on: February 25, 2020
The Bleakest Times of Our Lives Can Give Rise to Remarkably Positive Life Transformations
A life crisis is one of the inevitable features of our lives. Learning how to survive a crisis is a crucial skill, and one that we will probably need more than once throughout our lives. A crisis can occur when things begin to fall apart around us. The things that shape us – our marital status, job title, relationships with family and friends, health, or financial security – have disappeared and we find ourselves adrift without any clear guidelines that tell us what to do next. We feel lost. Do we hide? Do we deny this is happening? Do we rage? Do we fear the world? The answers may not be obvious. Nobody ever told us that the world would turn out this way. But one thing is clear – this is a crisis.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: February 14, 2020
An Eating Disorder Is a Very Serious Problem That Demands Immediate Attention
The Chinese used to bind the feet of women to make them smaller. So tiny and fragile were their feet, in fact, that some women were left essentially crippled, barely able to walk. To the Chinese, this was a sign of beauty and social status. But to us it seems a cruel and bizarre practice.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: January 24, 2020
The incidence of depression in our society seems to be on the rise. Recent estimates suggest that as many as one in three of us will experience some form of depression within our lifetimes. Others claim that depression may even represent a symptom of our times which are characterized by alienation, lack of strong community bonds, and hopeless economic situations for many.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: January 17, 2020
“This above all – to thine own self be true.” – Polonius in Hamlet (William Shakespeare)
Although some people prefer to remain single throughout their lives, most people strive to connect with and live in partnership with one special person. There are many obvious advantages to finding a relationship partner – physical, economic, social – but there is another significant advantage in that working through the ups and downs of a relationship allows us to come to terms with many of our own personal issues. In fact, these personal issues may make or break a relationship, depending on whether we choose to work on them. If you are single now, you can use this time to learn more about yourself and what makes relationships work.
(more…)Posted in: Marriage Counseling
Posted on: December 13, 2019
Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
You Can Create a Successful Relationship – Even If You Must Do It Alone
Conflicts can be expected to arise in even the strongest of relationships. Two people who attempt to create a relationship always bring their own issues, backgrounds, expectations, personalities, and inner difficulties into the interplay that occurs between them. It is not at all unusual that the two people might find themselves, at times, in a deadlock. They see no way to break the impasse and to recapture the spirit of good will that they once had and would like to have again. Each party’s personal conflicts come into play and stifle the communication, sharing and love that seem necessary for harmonious interaction. Rather than confronting our own part in the problem, we may resort to blaming our partner – “If only she (or he) would change, then we could be happy.”
(more…)Posted in: Marriage Counseling
Posted on: November 27, 2019
Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Conflict between people is a fact of life – and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, a relationship with frequent conflict may be healthier than one with no observable conflict. Conflicts occur at all levels of interaction – at work, among friends, within families, and between relationship partners. When conflict occurs, the relationship may be weakened or strengthened. Conflict is a critical event in the course of a relationship. Conflict can cause resentment, hostility and perhaps the ending of the relationship. If it is handled well, however, conflict can be productive – leading to deeper understanding, mutual respect and closeness. Whether a relationship is healthy or unhealthy depends not so much on the number of conflicts between participants, but on how the conflicts are resolved.
(more…)Posted in: Marriage Counseling
Posted on: November 12, 2019
Individual Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Stress happens when we perceive an event as disturbing or threatening. Our primitive ancestors experienced stress when they had to fight off wild animals, invaders, adverse natural events, and other threats to their survival. These days we are more likely to feel the anxiety that emerges from stress when we face overwhelming responsibilities at work or home, experience loneliness, rejection, or the fear of losing things that are important to us, such as our jobs or friends. When we are exposed to such events, we experience what has been called the fight or flight response. To prepare for fighting or fleeing, the body increases its heart rate and blood pressure. This sends more blood to our heart and muscles, and our respiration rate increases. We become vigilant and tense. Our bodies end up on full alert – and this allows us to take action. When these anxiety-inducing conditions continue over a long period of time, however, and have a significant impact on how we live, we may begin to suffer from one of the anxiety disorders.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: October 28, 2019
Family Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Families Can Do Their Share to Address Violence in Their Children and Emerge Stronger in the Process
Violence in children is a complicated issue with many causes. It is easy to point fingers at some of the more obvious potential culprits. For example, television provides a steady diet of violence. It has been estimated that by the time children turn 18 they have been exposed to 40,000 deaths on TV, usually with no mention of the grieving that families endure when a loved one has died. Similarly rock music, and rap music most of all, often contains lyrics explicitly promulgating killing and other violence. Video games seem to go a step further – they not only are violent but the player of the game is also the shooter. Movies glorify violent deaths and revenge. The Internet is filled with websites carrying violent themes and even sites that tell the viewer how to make bombs. Guns are easy to get and have become a symbol of rebellion and power among some youth. Our schools have become segregated with cliques who intimidate each other – the jocks versus the goths, for example – sometimes in brutal ways. Bullies make some children afraid of going to school.
(more…)Posted in: Family Counseling
Posted on: October 10, 2019
Relationship Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Some people are easy to be around and some are not. All of us seem to have at least a few difficult friends in our lives. They can range from those who are a mild annoyance to those who can make life seem nearly intolerable at times. People at this negative end of the continuum, especially if we have contact with them on a daily basis, can jeopardize our mental and emotional wellness over time – particularly if we lack the tools for responding to them in an adaptive way.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: September 25, 2019
Individual Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
What a revolutionary breakthrough it would be if we found a way to lower blood pressure, lessen the ravages of depression, boost our immune systems, enhance our sense of emotional well being, decrease our feelings of loneliness, increase motivation, elevate our self-image, and promote our ability to trust! These are only some of the benefits of pet ownership. Under most circumstances, having a pet is a healthy and healing experience.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: September 9, 2019
Individual Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Grieving comes to most of us at some point in our lives. In fact, statistics show that each person can expect to experience the loss of a loved one once every nine to thirteen years. The resulting sadness may be the most painful of life’s experiences. Because it is painful, however, our eventual adaptation to the loss can bring meaning and integrity to our lives – and this, ultimately, is a gift to us from the one we have lost. It is a reminder to us that the circle is unbroken.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: August 22, 2019
Individual Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
All of us experience major disruptions at certain points in our lives. In fact, this is an expected and predictable hallmark of the human condition. For some, these hard times come frequently – the impact of the trauma is overwhelming and recovery, if it comes at all, can be painfully slow. Others show resilience and are able to glide through these times fairly easily, bouncing back to a normal life again quickly. Resilience – the strength required to adapt to change – lies at the heart of mental and emotional health.
Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: August 13, 2019
Individual Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
“Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear – but around in awareness.” – James Thurber
We all get angry. Many people choose not to believe this, but anger is a universal human emotion that can help us survive and solve some of life’s problems – or, conversely, it can create further trouble. Anger is an emotion that can occur when there is a threat to our self-esteem, our bodies, our property, our ways of seeing the world, or our desires. People differ in what makes them angry. Some people will perceive an event as threatening, while others see no threat at all in the same event. Our responses to anger differ as well. Some people are able to experience angry feelings and use them as a way of solving problems. Others turn their anger inward and engage in self-destructive behavior. Other people strike out when they feel angry. And some refuse to acknowledge their anger – or they confuse anger with other emotions such as vulnerability or fear.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: July 26, 2019
Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
“There is a crack in everything; that’s how the light gets in.” – Leonard Cohen
The single most destructive threat to a committed relationship is when one of the partners engages in a sexual relationship with another person. This is not an uncommon event. Conservative estimates suggest that about a quarter of women, and a third of men, have violated their marital commitment to their partners. About 65 percent of marriages struck by infidelity end in divorce.
(more…)Posted in: Marriage Counseling
Posted on: July 12, 2019
Individual Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
“To sleep, perchance to dream – ay, there’s the rub.” — William Shakespeare, from Hamlet
The National Sleep Foundation tells us that nearly half of us don’t get enough sleep. In modern-day society, because of night work, television, computers, and the profound stress we experience in everyday life, our sleep is often disrupted. Sleep is a basic biological need, like hunger and thirst. When we don’t get enough of it, our bodies let us know that there are consequences. Sleep is a regular, natural state of rest characterized by a reduction in voluntary body movement and a decreased awareness of the surroundings. Sleep is not a state of falling completely into unconsciousness, but rather an altered state of consciousness that performs a restorative function for the brain and body.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: June 26, 2019
Individual Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.”
The Earl of Chesterfield, December 26, 1749
Almost everyone has been afflicted by procrastination at one time or another – that nagging menace that compels us to put things off for another day, another time. For some people this is a persistent problem, and for others it appears in only some areas of their lives. The result, though, is the same for everyone – increased anxiety, wasted time, poor performance, missed opportunities, guilt, excusing ourselves, and avoiding people who depend on us. There are better ways of dealing with the demands of our everyday lives. Procrastination is not a trivial problem – it causes suffering for many people.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: June 14, 2019
Individual Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
– Mahatma Gandhi
All of us have been hurt, in one way or another, by someone else. While it is easy to forgive a friend for the slight distress we feel over a phone call that was not returned, it is not so easy to forgive those who have harmed us in a major way. The greatest hurt seems to come from those who play the most significant roles in our lives. The enormity of the hurt may lead us to conclude that we can never forgive the other person. To forgive or not to forgive is one of our life choices. It is important for our own emotional well-being to understand that it is a choice, and a choice with consequences.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: May 29, 2019
Individual Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
“The bow too tensely strung is easily broken.”
– Publius Syrus (42 B.C.)
Anxiety is the body’s reaction to an event that is experienced as disturbing or threatening. Our primitive ancestors experienced stress when they had to fight off wild animals and other threats to their survival. Now, in the contemporary world, we are more likely to feel the anxiety that emerges from stress when we face overwhelming responsibilities at work or home, experience loneliness, rejection, or the fear of losing things that are important to us, such as our jobs or friends. When we are exposed to such events, we experience what has been called the fight or flight response. To prepare for fighting or fleeing, the body increases its heart rate and blood pressure. This sends more blood to our heart and muscles, and our respiration rate increases. We become vigilant and tense. Our bodies end up on full alert – and this allows us to take action. When these anxiety-inducing conditions continue over a long period of time, however, and have a significant impact on how we live, we may begin to suffer from one of the anxiety disorders.
(more…)Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: May 14, 2019
Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
A successful relationship is composed of two individuals – each with a clearly defined sense of her or his own identity. Without our own understanding of self, of who we are, and what makes us unique, it is difficult to engage in the process of an ongoing relationship in a way that functions smoothly and enhances each of the partners. We need a sense of self in order to clearly communicate our needs and desires to our partner. When we have a strong conception of our own identity, we can appreciate and love those qualities in our partner that make him or her a unique person. When two people come together, each with a clear definition of her or his own individuality, the potential for intimacy and commitment can be astounding. The similarities between two people may bring them together, but their differences contribute to the growth, excitement, and mystery of their relationship.
(more…)Posted in: Marriage Counseling
Posted on: April 29, 2019
Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
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Emotionally committed relationships bring excitement and passion into our lives, especially when they are new. Over time, however, we come across roadblocks, for example, our personal issues or family experiences, that can distance us from our partners. When we first enter into a committed relationship, we may think that we have found the answer to life’s problems, that we have a partner to share in the turmoil of daily life, that we will never be alone again, that it will be smooth sailing from here on out. If we base relationships on these assumptions, however, we may be sorely disappointed when our partner fails to live up to these expectations. There is a strong probability that if we look to another person to provide fulfillment, we will begin to focus on the failings of that person as the cause of our own disappointments in life. This pattern is the reason for a great deal of discord in committed relationships. Many people who come in for relationship therapy actually hope that the therapy will change their partner because they are convinced that the partner is the source of the problem.
(more…)Posted in: Marriage Counseling
Posted on: April 9, 2019
Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
We are all vulnerable to being manipulated in relationships, whether between romantic partners, friends, parents, children, employers, coworkers, or neighbors. When we allow another person to manipulate us, we are colluding with their desire to control our feelings, motives, and even our thoughts through deceptive, exploitative, and unfair means. A manipulative relationship is one-sided and unbalanced, advancing the goals of the manipulator at the expense of the person being manipulated. These relationships become troubled over time. If you want to change this kind of relationship, you must first recognize the features of manipulation and then look within to understand your contribution to the manipulation. There are effective ways to stand up to manipulation and bring balance back into the relationship.
(more…)Posted in: Marriage Counseling
Posted on: March 21, 2019
Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
“Fasten your seatbelt. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.”
– Bette Davis
When we commit to a relationship, we usually expect that our partner will reciprocate with roughly the same level of emotional involvement that we put into it. Many of us hope to find a soulmate, a partner who can share and understand our feelings and ways of thinking on an intensely personal level. Others don’t expect such an intense level of involvement and feel more comfortable maintaining personal privacy within a more boundaried relationship. Conflicts may arise when the two partners differ in their expectations of how close they should become. One partner may feel emotionally stranded, feeling abandoned and craving more closeness, while the other partner may feel smothered or pressured into providing more of his or her emotional self than can possibly be given. (more…)
Posted in: Marriage Counseling
Posted on: March 7, 2019
Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Many people search for that special intimacy in their relationship
Some of us search our entire lives for a feeling of oneness with another person. It’s hard to describe, really, what we search for, but we know it when we finally achieve it. Maybe we tire of that dark feeling of being ultimately alone as we struggle through life. If only there were someone else here, we say to ourselves, who could understand and share these burdens. Then it wouldn’t be so lonely. It wouldn’t be so hard. Or perhaps, in our more positive moments, we want to share not just the burdens but our pleasures too, our strength and beauty. We want the powerful impact of our internal experience to have an impression on someone else, as if to say that we count, we are whole, and we want to impart this feeling to another person. (more…)
Posted in: Marriage Counseling
Posted on: February 26, 2019
Individual Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Are You Working Hard or Hardly Working? (Or Both?)
The atmosphere of the workplace has changed dramatically in recent times. Ever since the exploitative practices of the industrial revolution were removed through legislation, work has been defined as a place where a person could find fulfillment through a job which was rewarding and paid a fair wage. But this definition has reverted in recent years to one in which the needs of the employee have become less important. Finding personal fulfillment through our work has become more of a challenge. Progressive occupational stress leading to job burnout has become a painful reality for many people. This is especially true during times of high unemployment – when the workers who are still employed are expected to carry the load of those who are no longer with the company. (more…)
Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: February 12, 2019
Individual Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Only the lonely
Know the way I feel tonight
Only the lonely
Know this feeling ain’t right
– Roy Orbison
If you feel lonely, you’re not alone.
Loneliness is a subjective sense of isolation – a feeling of not being able to connect with other people, a sense of being apart. As humans, we feel the need to be with other people. We need to relate to others, to get involved in their lives, to work with them, and to express our emotions around other people. Our social needs are nearly as powerful as our other basic needs, like our needs for food, water, and shelter. (more…)
Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: January 29, 2019
Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
A Successful Relationship Takes Work, Insight, and Commitment – and the Rewards Can Be Priceless
One hallmark of success in life may be the ability to sustain a long-term relationship. People in lasting relationships tend to live longer and stay healthier. Research shows that they report more happiness in life, more rewarding social interactions, and lower instances of substance abuse. Maybe the most important aspect of living within a successful permanent relationship is that a person not only feels loved, but also is able to share love with somebody else. Sharing love with a partner allows us to experience trust, nurturance, and a feeling of belonging. When we spend our years with another person we have a feeling of continuity in our lives which may otherwise be difficult to attain. (more…)
Posted in: Marriage Counseling
Posted on: January 18, 2019
Individual Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
It’s a good thing that almost all of us worry. Think of worry as a built-in alarm device. When it is used wisely, it alerts us to danger and prompts us to navigate our way through a maze of solutions to life’s various problems. We need to think through our options when we are faced with problems, weighing the benefits and pitfalls of each alternative, and then come up with the best solution. From there we take action which, we hope, solves the problem. Worry is helpful when it is used at the right time and at the right level for resolving our difficulties. Like many things in life, however, too little worry, or too much of it, can be harmful. (more…)
Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: December 20, 2018
Individual Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Birth Order Affects Our Behavior and Relationships
If brothers and sisters are raised by the same parents, how do they end up so different? How is it that one sibling grows up to be successful academically and professionally but with few friends, while another becomes the athlete with loads of friends? To the degree that one of the siblings is a responsible person, another will be attention-seeking or rebellious. One follows the ways of the parents and another looks outside the family for support. The strategies we learn in childhood for dealing with our parents and siblings has a lasting influence on our behavior, often in ways we barely recognize. (more…)
Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: November 26, 2018
Individual Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
“What disturbs people’s minds is not events, but their judgments on events.”
– Epictetus
In China, parents once bound the feet of their daughters in pursuit of beauty. In parts of Africa, both men and women elongate their earlobes and decorate their skin with minerals to look attractive, and this trend may be found in the United States now. At one time in this society, we found plump, rotund people to be the epitome of beauty. Old movies show us that the Tarzans and Supermen of past decades would hardly pass muster in today’s gyms. Today we define beauty as a thin, youthful, and muscular look. Today we go under the knife and on extreme diets to achieve a socially acceptable appearance – not to mention tattoos and body piercing – all practices that are similar to the early Chinese custom of binding feet. Strong social standards dictate, especially through the media, how we should look – and if our own bodies deviate from these expectations, which is the case for almost all of us, we feel inferior and ashamed. We hide. We cover up. We don’t like an important part of our selves. We feel depressed. We feel anxious in front of other people. We feel powerless – and we are apologetic when we show the world who we are.
Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: October 29, 2018
Individual Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
The incidence of depression in our society seems to be on the rise. Recent estimates suggest that as many as one in three of us will experience some form of depression within our lifetimes. Others claim that depression may even represent a symptom of our times which are characterized by alienation, lack of strong community bonds, and hopeless economic situations for many. (more…)
Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: July 25, 2018
Marriage Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
When we make a commitment to our partner, our usual expectation is that our relationship will last for life and that our love will see us through the inevitable hard times. Yet, when reality sinks in, we have to acknowledge that while love is one of the components of a relationship’s longevity, it really takes more to make it through the long haul. It takes community and family support (which isn’t as available as it once was in our society) – and it takes skill. Many of us have failed to learn how to negotiate our way through relationship difficulties to build a lasting connection. (more…)
Posted in: Marriage Counseling
Posted on: May 15, 2018
Individual Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Since 1985 the number of people who say they have no one to talk to has doubled. The lack of social contacts and social support, despite our technological advances over the past decades, is one of the downsides to the huge transformations that have taken place in our society. Despite the advent of e-mail and mobile phones, people today have fewer meaningful social contacts than they had in the past. We have traded our face-to-face contacts for technological forms of communication. We tend to drive alone, work alone, eat alone, and live alone more than we did in past years. Our public presentation may reflect less about who we are on the inside than on our ability to conform to the latest look that we pick up from the all-pervasive media. We go to the gym and work out alone to the beats stored in our devices. We go for coffee and immerse ourselves in our laptops. And we don’t talk to strangers, who may, as many believe, pose a danger to us. Yes, we’ve changed. Friendships are harder to come by. It is more difficult these days to get to know who another person really is – or for them to get to know who we are. (more…)
Posted in: Individual Counseling
Posted on: April 24, 2018
Individual Counseling insights brought to you by Westlake Village-based California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
Pleasure guides us to better health. When experiences are enjoyable, we want more of them. Our bodies tell us that sleep, reproduction, eating, companionship, and exercise — to name just a few of our more common daily activities — are enjoyable. Our survival depends on engaging in these activities. The brain has several pleasure centers which are activated by chemicals which speed satisfying sensations from one nerve to the next. Children the world over, when they are left alone to do what they choose, engage in endless hours of play. They pursue fun. Childhood may be the time in life when our brains are trained to experience pleasure. If we accomplish this task well as children, we may have healthier lives as adults — as long as we don’t lose the ability to play that we acquired in childhood. (more…)
Posted in: Individual Counseling