Isn’t it great to sit down with your spouse or partner in the evening and talk about everything that’s happened that day? Or maybe meet an old friend for a cup of coffee or a drink and catch up on the news from old friends? One of the magical things about those moments is how easily they can transition from chit chat to a deep and meaningful conversation.

This may not come a surprise to many people because the way in which small talk can lead to “big” talk is fairly well known. One of the keys is knowing how to ask the right questions. In a previous blog (Do You Know How To Ask The Right Questions?) we referred to Jan Janura, author of Turning Small Talk Into Big Talk, and pointed out that the answer to a question is only as good as the question that’s asked.

So, with the idea that ordinary banter (small talk) can lead to a truly meaningful conversation, the question then arises: How do you make small talk in a natural and ordinary way? After all, there are countless ways to ask an awkward question that goes nowhere. Is there a secret to avoiding that trap?

Tod Perry, in an article for Upworthy.com, has an answer. “Psychologists suggest those who are uncomfortable knowing what to say should use the FORD method,” he says. “It’s an acronym that’s an easy way to remember four different topics of conversation that work with just about anyone.” Even more important, it’s a technique that you can use anywhere from a holiday party to break time at work. The acronym stands for:

Family. This is almost a no-brainer because everyone has some kind of family relationships (even if they might be strained). With a little creative thinking you can have a question in mind for many different occasions. If you’re talking to someone who’s by him or herself, you can ask, Do you have family nearby? Or, if you’re meeting a couple you can ask, How’d you two meet? That is often a great way to get them comfortable talking about themselves and can lead to them sharing some great memories.

Occupation. If you’re at a holiday event with co-workers it’s easy to kick off a conversation with something better than, What department do you work in? Instead, try something like, What’s the favorite part of your job? If you’re at a social event your question might be as general as, What do you do for a living? Follow-up questions naturally flow from there.

Recreation. This is a great subject because most people have something they like to do on the weekends and it’s often something they’re passionate about. Whether it’s hiking, playing pickle ball or enjoying a good book, asking questions about an activity that someone does for the pure joy of it can easily lead to more meaningful conversation.

Dreams. This may sound like too great a jump toward big talk too quickly. But it can actually be a casual way to find out about deeper ambitions or hopes. If you’re talking to a professional colleague the question might be as simple as, What role or position do you see yourself in a few years from now? If you’re at a social event, travel is frequently a nice segue into more meaty subjects. It can be something like, Have you traveled much? or Do you have any vacation or travel plans this year?

Perry, in his article on small talk, offers a bit of advice that applies in business as well as social situations: Don’t just pepper a person with questions; make the conversation a true dialogue. Offer a glimpse into your own life to make it a two-way interaction. But also remember a good rule about conversation in general: listen more than you talk. That makes the other person feel valued and appreciated.