Virtually everyone in a long-term romantic relationship has disagreements with their partner. Occasional disagreements are typical and can even be healthy for the relationship if they’re resolved in a positive manner. (See How To Use Conflicts To Deepen Your Relationship and The Key To Fighting Right: Listening.)

But if you’re in a relationship and your partner often leaves you anxious or emotionally drained, there may be another underlying issue at play.

I’ve discussed attachment styles in previous blogs. (See The Subtle Nature of a Fear of Abandonment and Does Your Attachment Style Affect Your Relationship?) It’s a complex subject with many nuances. In fact, some psychologists devote their entire career to researching attachment style and counseling people on the subject. Adam Lane Smith in particular is a psychologist who has dedicated himself to teaching people about one style: secure attachment.

Through books, coaching, courses, retreats, podcasts and videos, Smith explains how to break harmful patterns of attachment and develop a secure attachment style.

In the video below, Smith gives an overview of how your attachment style can affect your mental health, how your early childhood experiences shape your attachment style, the role of brain chemistry in emotional connection and more.