Individual Counseling Insights From Westlake Village-Based Patricia McTague-Loft

Ask anyone in a long-term relationship what they think most couples fight about. Giving perhaps the most predictable response imaginable, people invariably say “sex and money.” For good reason — experience and countless studies confirm the validity of that conclusion. Sex and money matters are terribly complicated, and complicated issues are ripe breeding grounds for conflict.

So, putting aside the issue of sex (see our many other blog posts where we tackle that subject), what is it about money and finances that is so maddening? Writing for the newsletter, The Bottom Line, Aja Evans and Keila Hill-Trawick offer an interesting hypothesis that may be part of the root of the problem: People too often strive to be financial perfectionists. Their insights are especially valuable for people operating their own businesses, but they also apply to your personal finances.

“Perfectionism is often associated with greatness,” Evans and Hill-Trawick write. “From the outside, it can appear as ambition, strong competency, and pursuing excellence. But setting impossibly high standards for ourselves and our finances can cause unhappiness, stress, and burnout — all of which are bad for making strategic business moves and managing seasonal ups and downs.”

Evans and Hill-Trawick identify three ways people knowingly or unknowingly strive for financial perfection and offer some tips to fight the compulsion. The first tendency that perfectionists have — whether in business or in their personal lives — is procrastination. If we don’t have the time to complete a job perfectly, or the resources to fund the job ideally, then we delay even starting. They expand on the problem, saying, “A perfectionist may put off weekly to-dos like bookkeeping because they’re afraid of making mistakes, they could feel paralyzed by too many software or system options, or the setting isn’t exactly how they imagined.”

The result is a predictable high level of stress and anxiety. One solution is to take the age-old comedic advice regarding the best way to eat an elephant — one bite at a time. Or, as Hill-Trawick says, “Instead of trying to do everything at once, make a plan to tackle the most urgent tasks first — and one at a time.” Evans stresses the need to acknowledge reality. “Aim to spend one hour on a weekly financial task, but factor in flexibility. You may only have 30 minutes, and that’s better than nothing. Remind yourself, perfect doesn’t exist.”

Evans and Hill-Trawick coin a term for another ailment perfectionists may experience: money dysmorphia. Playing off a term that sometimes refers to conditions such as eating disorders, they say that having a distorted view of your financial condition may lead people with a perfectionist bent to make bad financial decisions. “They may feel like they don’t make enough money, no matter how much revenue their business brings in,” they say. “Going through seasonal dips in sales can intensify this skewed perspective.”

One way to help fight money dysmorphia is to look at some objective criteria, such as your average monthly expenses and then compare them to available cash on hand. In short, get out of your head and start looking at hard data.

The final tendency perfectionists may experience is a view that perfection is a static state that can be obtained. The opposite is more in line with reality. Business, and life, goes on day after day, always subject to change. A healthier and more realistic view? Focus on the progress you’re making. As Evans says, “Remember where you started and celebrate how far you’ve come. Think back to when everything you have now felt like a distant dream. How much have you grown and learned since then?”

Now that is a positive approach that will improve your mental health, leave you energized to keep making progress and keep your finances in order.

Disclaimer: The content provided on this website is intended for general informational and educational purposes only. It does not constitute legal, financial, or tax advice. We strongly recommend consulting with a qualified professional for advice tailored to your specific circumstances.