Family Counseling Insights brought to you by Patricia McTague-Loft
A lot of parents and grandparents remember the lazy summer days long ago when their kids were growing up. Lucky kids headed off to summer camp, and simple programs like Little League kept them all busy on the long afternoons. People with a true nostalgic bent recall suburban and city streets as perfectly safe grounds for unstructured play.
My, how times have changed. Rigorous sports programs have proliferated for boys and girls. Academic camps are geared to giving kids an advantage in the upcoming school year. And online activities are overwhelming parents with choices. It’s definitely enough to make you wonder if this is progress — if all this activity is really good for our children.
It turns out that researchers and psychologists are wondering the same thing. Writing for Psychology Today, Mark Travers, Ph.D., cites a study by Dr. David Elkind in which he coins the term hurried child syndrome to describe how parents are putting too much pressure on their kids, demands that don’t match their developmental stages. “Children with this syndrome are often pushed to behave and perform like mini-adults,” Travers says. “This rushing can manifest in various forms, such as accelerated academic programs, over-scheduling of extracurricular activities, and early exposure to adult issues and media content leading to unrealistic expectations and pressure to mature quickly.”
Balancing work and play, though, is a bit of a zero-sum game for everyone, kids included. Every additional extracurricular activity inevitably takes away from play time. No surprise, that can lead to anxiety and depression. What’s more, says Travers, “The impacts aren’t just mental; these children also face physical health issues. They often lack adequate sleep, have poor eating habits, and don’t get enough physical activity, which can lead to various health problems. Hurrying through childhood also impedes emotional growth, making it harder for them to manage their emotions and form healthy relationships.”
What’s the answer to combatting hurried child syndrome? Travers offers three bits of advice.
“Let Play Meet Purpose.” Psychological literature is loaded with studies that validate the value of playtime. Humans need free play to mature in many ways. Travers points out many of the benefits:
Cognitive development. Kids playing in a field may seem to be randomly chasing each other. What’s really happening is a complex process of abstract thinking. The benefits are wonderful, Travers says: “Activities like building with blocks, drawing, or playing pretend allow them to experiment and learn in a low-pressure environment, promoting curiosity and a love for learning.”
Social development. Minor altercations and a few tears are often found in a group of kids at play. That’s ok. They need to learn how to communicate, work together and negotiate. The result, over time, is less bickering and fewer tears.
Emotional development. A side effect of healthy social development is solid emotional development — they go hand in hand.
“Keep Your Feet On The Ground.” It’s an old saying and one worth remembering — describing someone with sensible and practical ideas. Parents should keep their feet on the ground when they’re thinking about activities for their kids. It just stands to reason — if you choose an activity that involves a skill above their ability, you’re setting them up for disappointment, not growth. Instead, focusing on the process instead of an unrealistic outcome encourages a sense of accomplishment.
“Dot The I’s And Cross The T’s.” As any parent will attest, organizing their child’s schedule, or children’s schedules, is not an easy task. It takes a bit of time and thoughtful consideration to create a balanced set of activities that will help their kids develop properly without stressing them out. Fortunately, most kids naturally give good feedback — they let you know in no uncertain terms what they enjoy and what they don’t enjoy.
Consider that feedback and schedule some activities for the pure fun of it. Then cut out the non-essentials, striving for a balance of activities that stimulate the physical and intellectual along with some kind of creative outlet. Finally, make sure your kids get some quality family time and enough rest, and you’re well on your way to ensuring your kids are not hurried children.