Here’s a little pop quiz for you. Who was your favorite elementary school teacher? Here’s a followup question. What was it about Mr. Smith or Ms. Jones that made you like them so much? You may remember a single incident that’s happily embedded in your memory — the time they complimented you in front of the whole class or maybe took you aside and told you how special you were. Maybe… but the odds are that you don’t really remember any specific thing they said to you — only that that they made you feel special.
Saying “the odds are” is not just an expression. Many people have heard of the “7-38-55 Rule” or at least its underlying principle: that the actual words you use are far less important than your tone of voice and body language as you express yourself. The Rule is based on research by UCLA psychologist Albert Mehrabian and explained in depth in his book Silent Messages, published in 1967. Mehrabian summarized his findings with a simple formula: “Total Liking = 7% Verbal Liking + 38% Vocal Liking + 55% Facial Liking.”
In the decades since the publication of Silent Messages, this formula has entered the general public consciousness and led people to believe what you say doesn’t really matter — it’s how you deliver the message that counts. The only problem with this conclusion about the Rule is that it’s incomplete and misleading. On his website, Mehrabian explains, “Unless a communicator is talking about their feelings or attitudes, these equations are not applicable.” This is a crucial distinction. You probably remember your favorite teacher because what they said — about how they felt about you — was completely congruent with how they said it. You trusted what they said and believed it.
Jessica Stillman, writing for Inc.com, elaborates on this distinction. “The experiments that underpin the rule weren’t looking at sales pitches or interviews,” Stillman writes. “They were focused specifically on situations where people were talking about their feelings and their words and expressions didn’t line up.” So, while the Rule may not help in situations where a variety of facts are being presented, it can be extremely valuable in social situations. That means that when the Rule is understood correctly, Stillman contends, it can boost your emotional intelligence (EQ) significantly. She explains her thinking by saying, “Wondering if your girlfriend is actually mad at you even though she says she’s fine? Reach for the 7-38-55 rule. Not sure if you really connected with that interesting person at the networking event? Ditto. Unclear if your employees are on board with that new initiative? Same advice.
“While the 7-38-55 rule may be wildly overapplied, it’s still incredibly useful for focusing attention on what’s most likely to provide us accurate and valuable intel in situations where it’s hard to read others’ intent or emotions. When in doubt, lean more heavily on tone of voice and body language than words.”
On the flip side, being aware of the Rule is equally important when you think about how you’re being perceived when you are the one delivering a message. If you pay attention to your tone of voice and facial expression as you speak, then you’ll be in a better position to communicate effectively — and believably. When your non-verbal cues match the meaning of your message, you’re engendering trust in your audience, whether that’s an audience of one or a roomful of listeners. Being aware of the relationship between verbal and non-verbal communication is at the heart of emotional intelligence. Cultivate that awareness and you’ll simultaneously increase your EQ.