Ah, dating! What a wonderful ritual young (and often, not-so-young) people go through. And if you’re rolling your eyes or trying not to laugh at the adjective “wonderful,” you’re not alone. Dating can be stressful, anxiety-producing, nerve-wracking… the list goes on and on. If only dating came with a manual, full of foolproof do’s and don’ts. One of the keys to dating successfully — which might be defined as ultimately developing a long-term relationship with someone you’re truly compatible with — is figuring out early on if you and your partner are right for each other.

Instead of reading a series of books in the self-help section about dating, you may find that simply asking yourself a few simple questions about your partner might actually be the “manual” you need. Writing for Forbes.com, Mark Travers, Ph.D. refers to a movie (The Life List) that includes a scene in which a couple of friends talk about four questions that may help you answer whether a person is “the right one.” “What makes these questions powerful is that they’re less about your partner, and more about you,” Travers notes. “They encourage you to pause, check in with yourself and consider if the life you’re building truly aligns with who you are.” These questions are also equally important for people who are already in a long-term relationship. If you answer “no” to one, it’s valuable to consider it a subject that needs your attention if you want the relationship to thrive. So, give it a try and ask yourself:

“Can You Share Everything On Your Mind?” Small talk is naturally a part of every relationship. It’s important to give your partner updates about what friends or relatives are up to, or what you’d like to do this weekend or… the subject matter for small talk is endless. But that’s hardly the substance of a deep relationship. You need to be able to talk about anything from your deepest desires to your most dreadful fears. If there’s a subject that you’re reluctant to bring up, then you need to ask yourself, why? What are you afraid of? If the answer may be that you’re not sure that your partner will respect your feelings or, perhaps worse yet, not care, then you have to question the depth of your trust and ultimately the depth of intimacy you share.

“Are They Kind?” After the period of infatuation in a relationship, both partners begin to see each other a little more clearly. Both also probably start to act more naturally around each other. That’s when you can see whether your partner is a genuinely kind person. That single trait is incredibly important. As Travers points out, “A 2015 study on marital conflict published in Evolutionary Psychology suggests that kindness is essential in any relationship dynamic. Even in arguments, couples who continue to show each other kindness and cooperation are more likely to work things out. Kindness softens the blow and makes room for repair.” Conflict is inevitable in a relationship. Dealing with that conflict properly can actually create an opportunity to deepen your relationship. (See The Key To Fighting Right: Listening.)

“Do They Bring Out The Best In You?” It’s essential that you feel comfortable being exactly who you are around your partner. You should feel free to laugh, cry, tell corny jokes or sing out loudly whenever you feel like it. If there’s something that you naturally do — laugh loudly or talk deeply about a particular subject or whatever — and you don’t feel comfortable doing so with your partner or stop acting naturally altogether, consider it a red flag. Travers sums it up with a pertinent question: “Who do I become when I’m with them? When you feel completely supported in being your authentic self, and deeply loved and cherished for the same, you’re very likely with the right person.”

“Can You Imagine Them As A Parent To Your Children?” Whether you want to have children or not, there is something instinctive about the answer to this question. List the traits you would use to describe a good parent. Do they include trustworthy, loving, giving, patient? Whichever traits are on your list, it reveals your idea of a good parent — or a good person. Is that how you would describe your partner?

Asking the right questions is a surprisingly effective way to get at the essence of a subject and cultivate meaningful conversations, which in turn helps you deepen your relationship.