There are many relationships and experiences that almost everyone eventually shares. Some include the most profound and meaningful, such as the love of a parent. Others, such as coping  with the death of a loved one, are heartbreaking. One that is nearly as universal is experiencing the breakup of a romantic relationship. The emotions that follow traumatic events are fairly predictable, although everyone follows their own unique journey through the emotional maze. But grief and sorrow, no matter how intense, should and typically do involve healing. A problem arises when healing does not occur.

One unfortunately too-common occurrence after the breakup of a romantic relationship is experiencing depression. Writing for Healthline, Michael Kerr says, “The end of a relationship may trigger a range of emotions. Some people may quickly accept the end and move on, and others may experience depression.” The situation is complex because of the nature of depression. As Kerr says, “Since symptoms of depression look different for everyone, it can be difficult to understand whether sadness and grief are a typical reaction to a breakup or a sign of something more serious, like depression.” 

One of the key ways to determine whether your emotional state is a common and predictable range of emotions or actually depression is to simply take time to reflect on your emotions. During the days after a breakup it’s common to be angry, frustrated, sad and lonely. All those emotions may have predictable effects — difficulty sleeping and a general lack of interest in the everyday activities you once took delight in. But as the days go by you should begin to heal and the intensity of your emotions subside. Everyone is different, but if the days of intense sadness, anger or any other emotion turn into weeks and certainly if they turn into months, it’s possibly a sign of depression.

Kerr turns to a respected source of information to shed light on the symptoms of depression — the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. He notes that experiencing at least five of the following criteria for more than two weeks is a red flag:

• Feeling sad, empty, or hopeless for most of the day, nearly every day
• Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
• Changes in appetite and weight
• Sleeping either too little or too much 
• An increase in movements like pacing or hand wringing, or having significantly slower speech and movement
• Feeling fatigued or as if you have no energy for most of the day
• Feeling worthless or guilty
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• Thoughts about death (suicidal ideation)

It is important to note, though, that only a health professional such as a psychologist or psychiatrist can provide a diagnosis — do not self-diagnose and this information is only provided as objective education.

Fortunately, treatment for depression is well researched and proven effective. Psychologists often begin with talk therapy and may then proceed to provide anything from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to mindfulness-based therapies. Psychiatrists may prescribe medications such as antidepressants. Again, though, which specific therapy is appropriate can only be determined by the professional.

Beyond therapies, simply focusing on and maintaining a healthy lifestyle is an effective way to help cope with depression. Exercising, enjoying hobbies or sports, sleeping properly and meditating can all help the healing process.

If you’re comfortable speaking with a family member or friend about the breakup and your feelings, that can be an effective way to lift your spirits — but only if they react in a positive and supportive way. Do not spend time with anyone who is negative. At the same time, it is necessary for you to personally acknowledge negative feelings and sadness — they are valid — but know when you have given them their due.

Rebuilding your life after a breakup can be difficult, and almost certainly takes time. But if that process drags on, it’s time for professional help. The problem could be depression.