Marriage Counseling Insights From Westlake Village-Based Patricia McTague-Loft

Odds are that you and your romantic partner had a pretty good sex life in the early months and years of your relationship. If you didn’t, it’s quite probable that your relationship wouldn’t have lasted. After all, young and fertile adults are driven by sexual desire to a remarkable extent.

Which highlights the simple fact that we are biological as well as spiritual creatures. Many self-help articles and books implicitly ignore the biological aspect. For couples in a long-term romantic relationship who are struggling with their sex lives, advice focuses on fundamental ways to relight the romantic fire, such as improving communication. Tackling relationship problems is indeed crucial for creating a loving foundation for intimacy. But your relationship may not be the problem at all — there could be another issue. In a lighthearted but insightful article for AARP, Nicole Pajer says, “There are also plenty of healthy people in otherwise healthy relationships who aren’t getting their fair share of lovin’. What’s separating the sexually successful from the carnally challenged?” Her answer focuses on physical aspects of your health that you may have never considered, and she offers seven habits that you can easily improve upon.

“Sex-cessful couples use the bedroom — for sleeping.” Many of your sex hormones are produced during sleep. That means that if you’re not getting enough sleep or not sleeping soundly, you simply may not have the urge. What’s more, lack of sleep is also linked to erectile dysfunction and lack of testosterone production.

“Sex-cessful couples never crash diet.” We are, to put it mildly, complex biological creatures. Producing the right hormones in the right amounts at the right time and promoting healthy blood flow involve dynamic, interrelated activities. Fueling those activities requires healthy food in the right amount. Crash diets often create an imbalance in the proteins, carbs and fats that we need. If you need to lose a significant amount of weight, consult with a professional and be aware of the toll a crash diet may take on your sex life.

“Sex-cessful couples soak up the sun.” Vitamin D is one of those things we may not pay much attention to, but we should. “Low D has been linked to decreased erectile and orgasmic function, as well as diminished sexual desire,” writes Pajer. “But supplements in winter can help: Additional research has found that supplementing with vitamin D can improve sexual function and mood in women with low vitamin D levels.”

“Sex-cessful couples work their muscles.” We may often think of the separate parts of our body as just that — separate. Nothing could be farther from the truth. They are entirely interconnected. This is evident in the fact that exercise stresses our muscles, which stimulates the hypothalamus to produce sex hormones.

“Sex-cessful couples avoid late-night sweets.” Sugar, as enticing as some people find it, can really affect the metabolism. According to physicians Pajer interviewed, the insulin release caused by eating a sugary treat can suppress testosterone levels, even if only for a short time.

“Sex-cessful couples drink a lot.” We’re talking water here, folks, not wine. Staying hydrated is one key to overall good health and affects sexual function as well. It comes down to the role hydration plays in the cardiovascular system, and good blood flow is extremely important for both men and women. A good rule of thumb is to drink the number of ounces of water equal to half your weight. So, if you’re 200 pounds, drink 100 ounces; if you’re 140 pounds, drink 70 and so on.

“Sex-cessful couples make their bed daily.” Here’s where the mind creeps back into the realm of the physical. An unmade bed is only one manifestation of clutter. For many people, clutter causes stress. Stress is a killer when it comes to love-making. Also, no real surprise here, that clutter often affects women more than men.

So, before you assume relationship problems are all about the relationship itself, take a look at your overall health. It might be an easy way to get your sex life back on track.