How To Get Out Of A Relationship Rut

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

If you have an especially close friend, you may have revealed a little secret to one another: your relationship with your partner is in a rut. If so, take heart — you’re not alone. Relationships between partners have taken a hit during the pandemic, with predictable results.

A happy couple kissing

“When you’re in a rut, things feel stagnant between you and your partner,” says Kelsey Borresen, writing for “The spark in the relationship is more like a faint flicker. You just aren’t connecting in the way you used to — and you may be lacking the motivation to work on things.”

During the last year there have been a variety of pressures on couples. Socializing with friends may be on hold. Date night with dinner and a movie has been axed. With gyms closed at times, regular exercise routines have been disrupted. If both partners find themselves working at home, there’s another huge issue to deal with.  

“Though you may be spending more time with each other these days, it’s not necessarily quality time,” continues Borresen. “If you’re both working from home, you may be in close proximity all the time, rushing through your busy days without having one moment of genuine connection. The concept of alone time, which we all need occasionally to recharge our batteries, is now a distant memory.”

There are ways, though, to spice things up a bit. For starters, try to:

  • Shake up your routine
  • Create better boundaries between work time and downtime
  • Be the initiator
  • Strike up deeper conversations
  • Practice self-compassion

For a more in-depth discussion of each of these suggestions, see Borresen’s complete article here.