The old Japanese proverb says Fall down seven times, stand up eight. As with so many proverbs there is a lot of wisdom packed into a simple phrase. As anyone who has endured a series of misfortunes can tell you, resilience is the key to not only maintaining mental health but also continuing to live a full and productive life.

Resilience, though, may be even more valuable than many people realize. A research study published in Neuroscience News highlights the many benefits of developing resilience in kids and adolescents. In the study, researchers found that childhood emotional trauma results in greater social avoidance and distress in kids as they grow older. That might not come as much of a surprise, but the study went on to look at kids who suffered emotional trauma but did not suffer as much later in life. What made these kids so lucky?  Psychological resilience — the ones who developed and displayed it were buffered from the negative effects of emotional trauma suffered early in life.

That naturally leads to the question: How can parents help their kids develop the resilience that will serve them so well all through their life? Fortunately, resilience is not something you’re born with — it can be learned and developed and it’s a topic that has been well researched in recent times. The American Psychological Association (APA), for example,  offers 10 tips for kids and teens in particular to develop psychological resilience. Parents can use these guidelines to help their kids cope with the ups and downs of adolescence and build a trait that will help throughout life.

“Get together.” Encourage kids to talk to each other and to you (their parents). Emphasize that it’s okay to disagree. They’ll learn how to discuss differences of opinion respectfully — and maybe even learn that being persuaded to change your mind is a good thing!

“Cut yourself some slack.” Hormonal changes can amplify the already-difficult process of dealing with stressful events. Let your teen know that’s normal and to be expected — and it’s important to take a deep breath and not be too deeply self-critical.

“Create a hassle-free zone.” Let kids know that their space is to be respected. Maybe even set down a rough guideline that no one is allowed to hassle them when they’re in that space of their own.

“Stick to the program.” A good bit of advice for a high schooler or freshman in college is to create some kind of routine that gives them a part of the day to relax. Whether it’s lunch with a friend or a time to walk alone, having that routine time to de-stress can help someone cope with constant change and new situations.

“Take care of yourself.” Remember the basics: eat healthy, get a good night’s sleep and so on.

“Take control.” Let your teen know that dealing with stressful events or even tragedy can make it seem like they have no control over life. There are some things they can’t control, but there are many that they can — especially their attitude. Focus on taking control of even little things can bring life back into balance.  

“Express yourself.” It’s almost always best to talk to someone when you’re trying to make sense of a terrible situation. If that’s too difficult, encourage your teen to write down their thoughts or feelings in a journal, or express themselves in art or music.

“Help somebody.” It’s a strange but wonderful paradoxical fact that people who are grieving or otherwise healing can actually help themselves by helping others. Don’t question the logic of it; just encourage your teen to try it.

“Put things in perspective.” This may be one of the most difficult things for a young person to do because it takes experience to gain perspective. But every difficult situation a person deals with is one more experience to learn from. As the APA advises parents to tell their kids, “If you’re worried about whether you’ve got what it takes to get through this, think back on a time when you faced up to your fears, whether it was asking someone on a date or applying for a job. Learn some relaxation techniques, whether it’s visualizing a peaceful place, thinking of a particular song in times of stress, or just taking a deep breath to calm down. Think about the important things that have stayed the same, even while the outside world is changing.”

“Turn it off.” In this age of social media, this may be the APA’s finest word of wisdom. Outside events and everyone’s response to it can be overwhelming. Teens don’t need that additional stress when everyday life can take enough of a toll.

Encourage your kids to practice these habits and they’ll slowly but surely build resilience into their character.