Individual Counseling Insights From Westlake Village-Based Patricia McTague-Loft 

Some people who are successful in their professional lives are equally blessed in their personal lives. They are well respected in their line of work and enjoy a stable, satisfying long-term romantic relationship. On the other hand, and most perplexingly, other people nail down only one-half of that combination — either having a fine career but suffering through broken relationships, or creating a wonderful personal life but struggling in the workplace.

What’s going on here? Aren’t the personal attributes required for success in business more or less the same as those required for building a strong home life? The answer is yes, they are pretty much the same, but people may not dedicate themselves in the same way in the different aspects of their lives. Making matters even more complicated, success in both cases does not involve only one individual — success requires interacting with at least one other person.

Writing for Psychology Today, Jeremy Nicholson, Ph.D., explores this dynamic. He says that the interplay of motivation and expectation is the key — and that’s a concept developed in the 1960s by Victor Vroom in his book, Work and Motivation, a concept known as Expectancy Theory. Nicholson points to three basic components of the theory.

“Valence: This concept is an evaluation of motivation. It assesses how much an individual is attracted to and desires a particular outcome. Essentially, it asks How much do you want the thing(s) an organization or partner can give you?”

“Instrumentality: This concept is a general assessment of fairness in a situation or relationship. It evaluates how much an individual trusts that their performance will be rewarded, by the organization or partner, with the desired outcome. In short, it considers If I do what they want, will they really give me what I want in return?”

“Expectancy: Finally, this concept is an appraisal of the individual’s own ability. It measures an individual’s level of confidence about whether their own actions will lead to the required level of performance. In other words, it questions Do I have the ability to do what they want or not?”

Since then, statistical research has shown the theory to be quite accurate. Common sense bolsters the case for the theory. If you’re highly motivated (for whatever reason) to work for a particular company or in a particular profession, believe you’ll be justly compensated for your work and think you can excel at your job, good things are likely to happen.

It then does not take much of a leap to apply these business principles to a personal relationship. Although it might sound a bit unemotional or even cold to think about a relationship in a businesslike fashion, it’s interesting to see the parallels. Desire for a long-term relationship is motivation for making that relationship succeed. But it’s imperative to communicate to your potential partner what your idea of roles is for both of you. What you want out of the relationship is for your partner to successfully perform their role — and vice versa.

Instrumentality in a business relationship is very transactional — I’m performing my duty and now I want my reward. That equation won’t work in a personal relationship — it just smacks too much of selfishness — but the key is what that belief is based on. It’s based on trust, and that’s where it can be applied on a personal level. I trust that you will do your best to make our relationship succeed, as you can trust me to do my best.

Expectancy — the idea that you can do the job — should be revealed in a personal relationship as both partners discuss their roles. If you believe your partner simply expects too much out of you, or you think you can’t live up to that expectation, then trouble is on the horizon.