Marriage Counseling Insights From Westlake Village-Based Patricia McTague-Loft
We all know when we’ve gotten a little off track with our daily habits. Maybe we’ve started to have some ice cream before bed every night… and suddenly discovered we’ve added a few pounds. Or we’ve started to skip the Monday morning workout… and the Tuesday workout… and Wednesday — and now we’re down on energy all the time. Or maybe we’ve stopped tracking our budget so carefully… and, Wow! Look at this credit card bill!
We also know what the answer is. Use some self-discipline and do what it takes to renew a healthy lifestyle. Of course that takes work, which may not be so much fun but it’s necessary. But what about our romantic relationship — specifically, what about our sex life? It’s not so easy to figure out what went wrong when sex has become a distant memory. Fortunately, the solution is a lot more fun than getting yourself to the gym and trudging through a workout. The solution involves reigniting the passion and getting some good sex back in your life.
Easy to say, but the question is, How? How do you get that flame lit again? Writing for Healthline, Shannon Lee says, “If you’re coupled and stuck in a sexual rut, you’re not alone. While dry spells are a normal part of any relationship, it’s still no consolation for couples experiencing one,” and goes on to offer several tips to get things going.
“Liberate your body’s energy in a new way.” Sex is a physical as well as emotional activity. Getting in touch with your body in a new way can help you look forward to connecting with your partner’s body in a new way. Never tried yoga? Maybe now’s the time. The point is to look around for something that you find interesting and give it a go.
“Reignite your dopamine with a fresh experience.” Dopamine is released by the brain after an enjoyable experience, and it creates its own pleasurable sensations — a reward that makes you want to do it all over again. Find something exciting that you and your partner can do together — something that you’ll both get a dopamine high from — and that just may lead to a night of romance.
“Schedule a sex ‘fact-finding’ night.” There are many reasons that your sex life can go dormant. Stress at work, kids taking your time and energy, mismatched work schedules — the reasons are endless. But one too typical reason is lack of communication. Research is filled with studies showing that men and women often have shockingly different expectations regarding sexuality that range from frequency to types of sexual experience. The best way to determine what you and your partner expect is to simply and honestly express them. The point of a frank discussion is not to end up in bed (although that’s fine if it happens), but to increase intimacy. Simply discovering what your partner is thinking is a bonding experience, and in the long run that increases the likelihood of an enhanced sex life.
“Take a sex class and use your weekend to practice.” Sex therapy is widely practiced and it’s fairly easy to find sex classes. Just do an online search for “sex classes in my area” and you’ll be able to choose from workshops, classes, weekend retreats and, in this day and age, virtual classes. Whatever your personal style and preferences, you can find inspiration for tips that range from mild-mannered to wild.
Sexless long-term relationships are fairly common. Sometimes both partners are happy with that, so for them it’s not a problem. For others, one or both partners are not satisfied with the situation but don’t know how to fix it. Try the tips above to get back on track. If that doesn’t work, it’s probably time to look for professional counseling.