Anyone who has dated for a while knows there’s a bit of an art to getting to know someone. Dating begins with small talk and there’s an unwritten rule about the kind of questions that are appropriate early in a relationship. “How many kids would you like to have” will probably land like a lead balloon if asked on a first date. As the relationship develops, though, a certain level of seriousness is not only appropriate but absolutely necessary. After all, discovering if a person shares fundamental beliefs and values will be key to determining if a relationship can last over the long term.

There’s another potential mistake, though, that people also make: not sufficiently valuing shared compatibility regarding seemingly minor issues. Ironically, like-mindedness about the “small stuff” actually correlates to agreement about deeper values and is a good predictor of a relationship’s success. Writing for Forbes.com, Mark Travers points out this irony. “Since we don’t have access to the big picture all the time (and mostly in retrospect),” he writes, “we have to rely on the tiny patterns for clues about how we’re really doing in our relationship. These micro‑compatibilities are rooted in decades of social and health science. They shape emotional co‑regulation, perceived responsiveness, fairness and even shared physiological states.”

Empirical research has also revealed another interesting aspect of “micro-compatibilities.” They not only correlate to a relationship’s long-term prospects; they are a good indicator of a relationship’s health at the present time.

(Wondering how your relationship is doing right at the moment? Take a Relationship Satisfaction quiz here.)

So, what kind of “micro-compatibilities” are important enough to count on as a predictor of a relationship’s health or to shed light on its current state? Travers describes five.

“How A Couple Prefers To Share Meals.” What and how you eat involves much more than simply providing your body with calories. Throughout cultures, dining is as much a social event as it is a physiological necessity. That’s why it probably comes as no surprise that a couple’s mealtime behavior is so revealing. It’s easy to spot the red flag when one person is preoccupied with their smart phone while their partner eats. As Travers says, “In a relationship, they [shared meals] also become predictable moments of shared presence. When couples regularly sit down without distraction, they tune back into their shared wavelength they may have lost touch with when living out their individual days.”

“How A Couple Prefers To Wind Down.” People with different personalities often seem to be mismatched. An introvert and an extrovert may appear to be an odd couple but that’s actually not the case; they can quite readily have a strong relationship if they have mutual understanding and open communication. The same can be said about how a couple prefers to end their day. If one partner wants to talk about their day before going to sleep and the other person craves silence, matching or negotiating their behavior is imperative. Beyond conversation (or the need for quiet time), the overall pattern of evening activity is very important. Travers cites recent research that indicates “sleep concordance, or how synchronized couples’ sleep patterns are, is meaningfully linked with relationship variables such as attachment security and satisfaction. Partners who go to bed and arise around the same time, and who manage their pre‑sleep rituals together, tend to report greater relational attunement.”

“How Often A Couple Prefers To Text.” Research about relationships must always keep up with the times because societal trends affect relationships. There’s even a new phrase that has entered our language — “phubbing” — a mash up of phone snubbing, where someone ignores another as they scroll through social media. Early research, though, is indicating that avoiding problems with texting and smart phone use in general comes down to a basic rule in relationships: communicate your expectations and be willing to compromise a bit so your expectations match.

“How A Couple Prefers To Divide Chores.” In counseling, enormous disagreements about seemingly petty conflicts are often confronted. Which always raises the question: What is this fight really about? An argument about dirty dishes left in the sink isn’t really about the dishes. It may be about a fair division of household chores. Travers explains this common issue, saying “Research on the division of housework in couples repeatedly shows that perceived fairness and coordination of chores predict relationship satisfaction, even more so than the absolute amount of labor each partner contributes.”

“How A Couple Prefers To Socialize.” There can be an entirely different dynamic in a relationship when the couple socializes in a group situation. Some people like crowds; others find them suffocating. Ideally, partners view group socializing in the same way and almost intuitively agree on when to hit the exit at a party. But if they’re not in perfect alignment, the answer is once again to have a willingness to compromise. Travers sums up the situation, saying “Some strong couples won’t have identical social preferences. Instead, they communicate and adapt to each other’s social tempos. They learn when to linger and when to leave, not because one partner is always right, but because their tiny negotiations build respect and understanding.”