There are a lot of common perceptions and misperceptions about divorce. Take the “seven-year itch,” for example. Fact or fiction? Actually, statistics bear out that there’s more than a grain of truth in the “itch.” Studies show that anywhere from 30 to 50 percent of first-marriage divorces occur around year seven (depending on various factors underlying the composition of the study).

That’s probably not news, but there’s another trend that may surprise you: the rising number of multi-decade marriages that end in divorce. This generational sea change has even gotten its own descriptor: gray divorce.

As with any societal change, this trend is starting to get a lot of attention. Writing for the Gottman Institute, Sinead Smyth zeroes in on the reasons for the change: “With longer life expectancy, there’s a sense that there’s a whole lot of living to be done and time goes by quickly… Couples often accomplished career or parenting goals by now. Long-standing disconnection in the marriage can be just one of many catalysts for partners to leave.”  

There’s another factor at play as well. Since the “sexual revolution” of the ‘60s, the role of women in the workplace and the home has changed dramatically. Check out some TV sit-coms from the 1950’s or even 1960’s. You’ll see (without a hint of irony) women dutifully bringing slippers to their husbands as they come home from work. Today? As Smyth points out, “Another factor driving the increase in later-in-life divorcing is the increased financial independence of women. According to the AARP, two-thirds of these divorces in heterosexual marriages are initiated by women. No longer tied to a spouse for financial security, women are looking at their next 20 or 30 years and weighing a stale marriage against what could be an exciting new chapter.”

If you’d rather not join the gray wave. it’s a good idea to focus on keeping your relationship vibrant, healthy and loving. Fortunately, there is an abundance of research-based advice available to help you do exactly that. Smyth cites three simple tips to reignite the flame.

“Maintain a good friendship.” Spending time with your spouse or partner is wonderful. But so often it’s time spent together simply managing the household or taking care of kids. No wonder that “date night” has become a priority with so many couples. It’s important to schedule time for just the two of you — and make sure it’s something you both enjoy. Grocery shopping together is probably not going to keep the flame of romance alive.

“Address differences in a timely way.” Every relationship involves disagreement or even conflict at times. These can actually be opportunities to nurture and grow your relationship. But the key is open and honest communication. Address disagreements sooner rather than later and in as calm a manner as you can. Moreover, do not let resentment build upon unspoken thoughts or feelings.

“Focus on how you’d like the relationship to be in the future.” Envisioning the future as you like it to be accomplishes two things. It helps you set individual goals and imagine a shared dream. Taking steps to create that delightful future can be fun and exciting.

These tips are great for addressing the fundamentals of your relationship. If you’re looking for a bit more, see Rekindling the Romance.

There is no reason in the world that couples in their 50s, 60s or even 70s and beyond cannot enjoy romance along with the undeniable beauty of a deep relationship developed over decades.