Can There Be ‘The One?’

Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.

In our culture there’s a common belief that it’s possible to find the One Person you’re meant to be with. It’s expressed in different ways — “finding my soulmate,” “finding my true love.” But there’s an alternate view that The One is not a realistic hope and pursuing that objective can have negative consequences.

In a video on the subject, Esther Perel, psychotherapist and bestselling author, uses the choices involved in online dating to illustrate the point. It’s a point that anyone in a relationship — just beginning to date or in an established long-term relationship — should consider: Is it possible or even desirable to have one person meet all of your needs?

She says, “The idea of finding the one is problematic for relationships. You have choice like you’ve never had… Then, when we think we have found the one, comes the question — what does that mean… If you are making me no longer look for another then you must be phenomenal. I think that you are going to meet all my needs. And ‘all my needs’ these days is a phenomenal list… I want from you what I would normally get from an entire community.”

The answer? It’s to find somebody you can imagine writing a life story with. To hear exactly what that means, watch Perel’s video — tremendous insights for anyone in a romantic relationship.