CALIFORNIA PSYCHOTHERAPEUTIC RESOURCES, INC.
PATRICIA MCTAGUE-LOFT, MS, LMFT, FAPA, SAP
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Posted on: October 26, 2021
Marriage Counseling Insights brought to you by California Psychotherapeutic Resources, Inc.
In our culture there’s a common belief that it’s possible to find the One Person you’re meant to be with. It’s expressed in different ways — “finding my soulmate,” “finding my true love.” But there’s an alternate view that The One is not a realistic hope and pursuing that objective can have negative consequences.
In a video on the subject, Esther Perel, psychotherapist and bestselling author, uses the choices involved in online dating to illustrate the point. It’s a point that anyone in a relationship — just beginning to date or in an established long-term relationship — should consider: Is it possible or even desirable to have one person meet all of your needs?
She says, “The idea of finding the one is problematic for relationships. You have choice like you’ve never had… Then, when we think we have found the one, comes the question — what does that mean… If you are making me no longer look for another then you must be phenomenal. I think that you are going to meet all my needs. And ‘all my needs’ these days is a phenomenal list… I want from you what I would normally get from an entire community.”
The answer? It’s to find somebody you can imagine writing a life story with. To hear exactly what that means, watch Perel’s video — tremendous insights for anyone in a romantic relationship.
Posted in: Marriage Counseling
Disclaimer: The screening tests and videos that are linked on this web site are not designed to provide diagnoses for the various clinical issues. They are intended solely for the purpose of identifying the symptoms of the issues and to help you make a more informed decision about seeking help. An accurate diagnosis for these clinical issues and other psychiatric disorders can only be made by a physician or qualified mental health professional after a complete evaluation. If you have scores that indicate that you meet criteria for these issues or think that you may be at risk, please contact a mental health professional or your physician.