It’s one of life’s little joys to watch a young child play with a toy figure, creating a fantastical world filled with heroes and villians. While they hold their little figure on the edge of a chair, they call the action: “They’re about to get you… jump, jump into the ocean!”

One way to participate in this wonderful fantasy is to ask a simple question or two. But take care to frame your question properly. Asking a question that elicits a yes-no response will get you exactly that. “Are they going to jump in the ocean?” Yes will likely be the response, practically setting up a barrier preventing you from entering their magical world. But ask an open-ended question — “Can you tell me about who’s chasing them?” — and you may be invited to share in the adventure, with a backstory that amazes.

Sparking meaningful conversations with kids does not have to be difficult, especially if you keep looking for opportunities. These conversations, moreover, can be far more varied than simply tapping into their imaginations. Kids are literally taking in new information about the world every day, learning at an incredible rate. You can help them learn by asking the right questions.

Writing for the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC), Janis Strasser and Lisa Mufson Bresson point out that sparking a conversation has many rewards: “Hearing your questions and listening to you expand on answers will help your child learn new words and new ways to communicate. As your child grows, continue asking questions that call for lots of ideas and opinions. Even everyday activities, like deciding whether to have applesauce or yogurt as a snack, could lead to vocabulary-building conversations about nutrition, flavor, texture, or how foods are made.”

Asking the right questions and inspiring memorable conversations is a bit of an art, so Strasser and Bresson offer some helpful observations.

“Topics to Explore.”  Rule 1: Think about what they love to do. Asking what they think about your favorite sports team is probably going to draw a blank stare. Strasser and Bresson offer some topics to consider:

• “What places, people, toys, activities are special for your child?
• “What might your child have strong opinions about (foods they like and dislike, bedtime, the doctor)? 
• “What does your child have a lot of hands-on experience doing (playing with babydolls, building with Legos, gardening with a family member)?”

“Keep the Conversation Going.” Even when a kid is excited about something, they’re probably not going to keep a monologue going. You’ll need some follow up questions. The NAEYC duo suggest starting with something like:

• “I wonder…
• “What do you notice…
• “Tell me more about that…
• “What else do you want me to know about that…”

“Some Good Times & Places to Start Conversations.” The time and place for a conversation involves how much attention you can give to your child. Anywhere that you are likely to be distracted is not a good place. Which means you might want to look for opportunities in times and places such as:  

• At the grocery store.
• Traveling
• While you’re out for a walk
• Playtime at the park
• Mealtime
• Bedtime or any other quiet time

“Above All, Be a Good Listener.” This is good advice for having a meaningful conversation at any age. If someone — including a child — senses that you’re not interested in what they have to say, the conversation will probably fade into irrelevance. Show you’re interested by:

• Making eye contact.
• Pausing to hear a response
• Using body language to show you’re listening — smile, nod, give some soft verbal cues such as yes.
• Repeat what you’ve heard

Sparking conversation with a child is not only a delightful experience in its own right, it’s a great way to model the art, subtlety and joy of real conversation.